How one sentence can change everything

This not not about my New Years Resolution, although its going ok if you change it to drink less, haha!

This is a little rambling that needs to be said and since i'm not quite sure if the person/people will appreciate it, so it is being said here.

I pride myself on being a girl that is able to give myself a reality check, i don't wonder what could happen, what should have happened, because really in life it is now that counts. But lately all i'm doing is second guessing myself. I knew i could have 'it' yet I didn't want it. Now that I maybe fucked up a little too much I think i kinda want 'it'. Yet 'it' is two things, and we all know that you can't have your cake and eat it! Let's call 'i't A & B.

 I've always wanted A, deep down stupidly knew that I run at the chance if it ever came back. When it did, what did i do, play the game that I always do; pretending that I don't give a crap just to see much much A really does. And thinking that I didn't really care A walked away, feeling like it had put himself on the line. So what am i meant to do, confess everything? confess that really I did it to see how A really cared, that it wasn't just there because A decided to fall back upon something good while at his lowest...that I'll never know. Either way it isn't happening because i didn't man up n find out what A really wanted from me.

Although there's another reason why I didn't go; B. A was always part of my plan; my past and my future, yet one sentence from B has totally sent my mind into a spin. This simple sentence probably has no meaning to him, something that he doesn't remember saying, but it's had such an effect on me, i no longer know what I want.  This sentence, which i'm not repeating in case one of the two read this, had the ability to touch my very soul, it managed to sum up everything I try to be, yet epically fail on a daily basis. But also the reason I am the way I am; almost damaged beyond repair. And because this came from B i wonder if B could be the person to help me get over it all, and this is why I cant go to A, as this is the founder of these problems, when a solution may just be around the corner. I would never put that much pressure on someone to 'fix me' but I think the way B is he could and maybe without even realising!

I'm not one to 'need' someone, i like being the way i am, not needing anyone. Being able to not feel reliant and     one of them stupid girls that have to have a guy in her life, but this stupid one sentence seems to have changed everything...how is that even possible!?

My reality checks have long gone!